Do I Hear The Voice Of God????

I cannot deny that I'm feeling depressed. I can't deny that my faith is at a low. I can't deny that I have cried tears, because I feel like God has let me down.

I started this blog to help myself and others who are going through a hard time. I wanted to show how prayer, faith and spirituality works. I knew when I started this blog that I would have my trials. I guess I didn't think that things would get this bad...especially when I believed I had God on my side.

Now, it's 2:30 in the morning, and I feel really down. I have conflicting voices going on inside of me. One voice is telling me that everything is going to be OK. It's saying that I will have victory. The other voice is calling me a failure. It's saying that I'm disgusting.

People have told me that I should know that the positive voice is God and the negative voice is one I should never listen to. I'm just starting to wonder if I'm hearing God at all. Am I in denial? Is God really talking to me? Is He really telling me that everything is going to be OK? I really don't know.

My situation is dire. I haven't worked in almost 2 years. I don't know what to do. No one will hire me. I have two degrees, and I feel worthless. I feel like such a failure.

You may ask, "Why am I posting this?" I guess so everyone can see that they are not alone. I have my doubts too. I feel lost and alone too.

I wish I could say that I feel victory in my future. I can't. I wish I could say that my faith in God is stronger than ever....but it's not. I'm depressed. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. To sum things up...I would say I'm feeling hopeless.

Psalm 34:17-20 When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.

Jeremiah 29:11 ESV / 58 helpful votes
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Nothing Can Stop God's Will

Well...I had an interview on Tuesday. It seemed to go well, although, I don't feel like I won over the second interviewer. People continue to tell me that if it's truly God's will then nothing can stop me from getting this job. I know this is true.


I can't deny that deep down I'm so scared. I've cried out to God, and I believe I see signs that He is sending me to say that everything is going to work out. I was driving my mother to her class. She was praying to God, and I was talking to God in my head. Suddenly, we looked up and saw a Texas license plate. You may not know this, but I'm hoping to move to Texas soon with my mother. I see this as a clear sign from God, because it came just at a time when my mother and I needed one. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!

Praise Report!!!!! God Is Amazing!!!!!!

I wanted to share with everyone a blessing that my mother and I received. We are severely behind on our gas and electric bill. My mother and I have been praying to God for help. Guess what?!?! We received a letter today from an organization that helps with you gas and electric bill. They put a little over $200 towards the bill. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!! We really needed His help. My mother and I got on our knees and thanked God right away. I'm so grateful. I also thanked God for the blessings that are on the way.

When I started this blog, I told you all that I wanted to share my journey with you. I wanted you to see God's miracles in my life. I wanted to prove to you and myself that prayer does work. Here is one example of how prayer does work. God does answer prayers. A lot of the time, He doesn't answer the way you think He will, or the way that you hope that He will. That is what makes Him amazing.

There's more to come. I know it. I think the next blessing will be even bigger than this one. I can't wait to see what God has in store for my life.

PRAISE THE LORD!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!

God Spoke To Me Through A Dream

My mother hasn't been feeling well for a little while now. She's been feeling very tired. I have to admit that I was worried about her.

Well...One night I had a horrible dream. I dreamt that my mother passed away. I was at the cemetery with my Uncle who paid for her headstone. I woke up in the middle of the night, and I prayed and begged God not to take my mother away from me. I felt a horrible sense of dread inside of me. I woke up, and I checked on my mother. She was OK.

The next day my mother was yet again saying that she didn't feel well, and she needed to go to the doctor. I told my mother that she needed to make an appointment now to see her doctor. I tried to let her take the lead in the conversation, because I know my mother is a worrier. If I told her about my dream, she would panic, and her blood pressure would "sky rocket" out of control. I never let on that I was scared. She finally made a doctor's appointment. When she went in the doctor checked her blood pressure. He told her that she was a ticking time bomb. Her blood pressure was in the danger zone. He immediately changed her medication.

I'm thankful that God sent me this dream. I'm hoping and praying that this was a warning dream and not a dream of things to come. I cannot lose my mother, so please pray that my mother will get better. It's so strange. I'm so tired...yet I'm still not working. I'm feeling overwhelmed. Hearing that my mother was a "ticking time bomb" scared me...although, I did not let my mother know my fear.

I'm not sleeping well. I've been checking on her on and off daily, but I don't let her know how worried I really feel. I'm trying to keep things in perspective. God gave me a major blessing. He sent me a warning. He said, "Dawn...Your mother is sick. GET HER TO THE DOCTOR!!!!" That's how I'm interpreting the dream. Praise the Lord!!!!

I still believe that my best days are ahead of me. I believe that our prayers will be answered. I also believe that I'm going to have a praise report on a major change that is coming in my life. I won't deny that there are voices in my head saying, "Things are not going to work out. Look at where you are now. Things have not gotten better." I'm fighting this day and night. I'm scared. I'm scared for my mother. I'm scared for the both of us and our survival. I'm going to keep the faith. I'm going to continue to believe God's word. He will see me through this. This is a trial, and I will come out blessed.

James 1:12
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

Are the blessings really on the way?????

Lately, I've been having a hard time sleeping. My mind is racing. I find myself crying out to God...praying that He will see us through this. I'm feeling my faith getting away from me.

On occasion, I will look back at some of my older posts, and I realize that I really haven't moved forward. I still have an excellent relationship with God. I can talk to Him about anything. I just cannot figure out why my prayers have not been answered. I'm conflicted about how my mother and I have been praying in agreement, but we haven't received answers to our major prayers. I cannot believe that I don't have a job. The bills have overwhelmed us. I need to be able to take care of my mother.

I have to admit that I do sometimes feel God telling me that everything will be OK. I know I've said this before, but I get these thoughts that I don't have to worry about anything. My thoughts tell me that I will be better of than I was before. I feel a major blessing is on the way. On the other hand, I wonder if I'm in denial of the situation. I don't have any career prospects, and I don't have a major money blessing coming to me. I'm scared.

Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?

Trusting in God...

Well...I had my interview on Tuesday. It was a total waste of time. They scheduled the interview for an hour, they only talked with me for 15 minutes. Can you believe this? It was awful. I could have cried.

Prior to the interview, I had a bad feeling all day. Something kept telling me not to go to this interview. My instincts were totally right.

In all honesty, when they described the job, I knew it wasn't fit. There website stated that they were a small company. I didn't realize that it was a company of only 6 employees. It sounded like it would be a high stress position.

Sometimes I wonder why I continue to write this blog. I don't have the victories that I thought I would be having. The blessings that I truly believed I was going to have have not happened. Today, I prayed to God letting Him know that I just didn't know what to pray. I feel lost and confused.

Do you know what? I still feel like God is going to bless me. Although, I'm wondering if I'm just fooling myself. Am I in denial? There's one thing I'm not in denial about...I'm scared. I'm so scared. If God is allowing me to go through this to test my faith...well, He has accomplished it. I'm totally going by faith, but my faith is taking a beating. I'm just crying out to God that He will deliver me and my mother soon.

Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him. (Psalm 37:3-5, 7a)

I Just Keep Praying....

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Things are extremely hard for me and my mother now. We are still agreeing in prayer and going by faith in our daily lives, but we are scared. I've had a phone interview, and I have another interview on Tuesday (2/8/11). I have to admit that I don't know what to think anymore. At times I don't even know what to pray.

My mother and I have been praying and agreeing in prayer for a long time now. I really don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I still have my ups and downs when dealing with my faith. I just wish that God would answer one of our major prayers. I know I can't tell God what to do. I just wish He would give us some kind of reassurance.

We have had a couple of blessings. One blessing was my mother's health insurance. I was so scared, because there was a mix up with her insurance. She wasn't able to get her prescriptions, and she wasn't able to go to the doctor. It took a month, but we found someone to leave a message with. She called my mother, and the problem was resolved...no questions asked. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!! A second blessing came when we had a blizzard. My car was stuck, and I thought I would have to shovel it out by myself. PRAISE GOD!!!! My neighbors came to my rescue, and they shoveled me out of the snow. Another neighbor moved his car, so that I could park in front of my house.

I'm counting my blessings. I'm going by faith that God is working on miracles for us. There are even times when I feel that God is going to do some amazing things in my life. I admit that at times there is an overwhelming feeling that everything is going to be better than OK.

I'm going to continue to praise God. I'm going to continue to post my victories....no matter how small. God will see me through this.