Questioning God.....

I know that we shouldn't question God.  Inside I'm so torn about my life.  I'm unhappy.  I try to tell myself just be happy, but it doesn't work.

I had an awful dream about losing my mother.  I dreamt that my father came into my room, and said "Your mother has died.  I knew it, because she looked so peaceful."  I jumped from my bed saying, "No, no..."  I woke up from that nightmare scared.  It's one of my worst fears.  I'm not ready to lose my mother.

My dream brought about a lot of other fears too.  I will be alone.  My brother has a beautiful girlfriend, and I have no one.  I keep asking God, "Would you really leave me alone?"  My thoughts have been going around and around questioning God's love for me.  I know He loves me, but I have this nagging doubt that won't go away.  I keep wondering if God is mad at me.

People have told me that these thoughts are just the devil getting in my head.  I'd like to believe that when the devil is attacking me so fiercely, it means that God has something amazing just around the corner.  The problem is that I've thought that something amazing was just around the corner for me, but I've been disappointed again and again by thinking this way.  I just can't let my thoughts go in that direction.  It hurts too much.

I'm still going by faith.  I love God.  I just feel so lost.  Please continue to pray for me.  God bless.

Is there a true direction in life?

Well, I've found a job.  It's a contract position.  I'm having a hard time getting excited for this position.  I will be returning to the building where I was laid off.  I'm really not happy about that.  I'm also not happy, because I've read reviews about the place I'm going to be working.  I haven't scene any favorable things.  I'm very concerned.

I know I have to hand this over to God.  I'm scared.  I want to do a good job.  I'm just scared.

I haven't given up my search for a permanent position.  I'm still looking.  I'm also still believing in God for amazing things in my life.  Things have got to get better.

Sign From God

Yesterday, I had weatherization people come to my home to start their process.  I'm so grateful.

At the end of the day, one of the men noticed that the stopper on the sink was broken.  I told him that I had the replacement parts, but I just hadn't felt motivated to fix it.  He took time out of his schedule to fix the part for us.  He had to cut part of the pipe.  I never would have been able to do this.  He stated, "You never know how God will bless you."

I have a feeling that God was sending me a message.  "You never know how God will bless you."  It gives me comfort.  I think I was looking for a sign to know that God had not forgotten me.  Times are hard.  It does feel a little like God has me on the side.  I'm going to count this as a message from God.  I know He sees my struggle.  I think He wants me to know that He hasn't given up on me.  It's comforting.

All I can say, "Thank You God.  I really needed Your reassurance."

Trying To Stay Thankful

The devil is constantly on the attack.  I've been blessed with free weatherization on my home.  They will be giving me a new furnace, bathroom fan, dehumidifier and insulating my walls at no cost to me.  I'm so grateful to God, but my heart is still heavy.  I received a disconnection notice for my water.   It's tough.  I'm not really sure what to do, but I'm still trying to remain faithful.

Here's my prayer:

Dear Lord,

You said, Matthew 18:19 "Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven."  My mother and I have been praying in agreement for a major money blessing, a good job for myself, husbands and to move out of our dangerous neighborhood for a long time.  I know our time is not your time, but we truly believe that You will answer our prayers.  God...Why is it taking so long?  I've been unemployed since August 2014.  Please help us.

You said, Luke 17:6 "He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you."  Yes.  My faith has it's ups and downs.  There are times when doubt is shouting in my head.  I'm still praying God.  Why haven't you answered?  I have to admit that I was expecting miracles.  I don't lower my expectations of You, because You are God.  I believe You will answer our prayers.

You said, Mathew 18:20 ""For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst."  My mother and I cry out our hearts to You.  We praise You for all of the good that You've done for us.  I'm just wondering why the other prayers have not been answered?  

God, I'm going to continue to have faith.  Please help us.  We need You.

My Faith Is At A New Low

My brother came into town this weekend.  Life is good for him.  He has a girlfriend, a job and a lot of friends.  He said that he doesn't believe in God, but he believes in a higher power.  We are both very different.

My brother was helping me in the attic move a few things.  He overheard me say, "God is going to help us."  My brother stated, "No He won't."  I have to admit that it went to my core.  I suddenly thought about my situation.  I'm taking care of my mother.  It's hard, but I know it's the right thing to do.  I'm on my third layoff.  I will be unemployed for a year in August.  I have a couple of friends, but I'm alone a lot.  

My brother's words keep going around and around in my head.  I have been waiting a long time for certain prayers to be answered.  I can't understand why God hasn't answered my prayers for a job.  What does God want from me?  I'm so confused....and tired.  

God...I'm crying out to you.  Please help me.  In the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.

It's Been A Long Time

It's been a long time, since I posted.  Believe it or not, I'm unemployed again.  I was laid off in August 2014.  I've had several interviews, but no one seems to want to hire me.

I'm handling this layoff a bit differently.  One of my best friends is the person that I would usually tell about my layoff.  I decided not to tell her this time.  I wanted to let God handle this situation, and I know if I tell her, we will talk about this constantly.  I want this situation in God's hands.

To be honest with you, I'm so glad that I'm no longer employed at the company I was at.  It was horrible.  I've never seen people fired as much as I did with this position.  I was constantly on edge about losing my job.  I never want to be in that position again.

I have to admit that I'm scared.  My mother and I have been praying in agreement, but our prayer for me to be employed has not been answered.  I really thought I would have a job by now.  I don't know what to do.  I've run through my unemployment, and I'm not going through my savings.

I back to wondering about what did God mean when He stated that, "I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you."

My mother and I have been praying certain prayer over and over again for years, but we aren't seeing results.  Don't get me wrong.  God has answered several prayers.  I'm so grateful.  I always thank Him.  I just wonder about the big prayers that we are waiting for answers.  I know that people say we have to be in agreement with Him, but I don't understand.  The things that we've prayed in agreement about seem to be things that I believe God would want for us.  How could He not want me to be employed?

I'm going to continue to pray in agreement.  I hope that I can update you all soon with answers.

God DOES Answer Prayers!!!!!

Praise The Lord!!!!  A prayer has been answered. 

My mother and I are living together, because the economy has hit us hard.  Taking care of the house has been overwhelming.  We've had repairs that needed to be completed, but we just did not have the money.

My mother found an organization online that helps people who have low incomes with some of their household repairs.  She applied.  We would hear from them on and off, but we never knew if we qualified.  They came by our home to inspect 2 or 3 times, but we still didn't know if we qualified.  Finally, we received a letter stating that they were going to do repairs on our home. 

We didn't know what to expect.  Of course, we were so grateful to God. 

Well...Let me tell you, that you better be prepare for God's blessings. 

On a Saturday, at about 7 in the morning, we had a knock on the door.  We weren't sure what to expect.  Guess what?  There were about 20 volunteers who were at our home to do some repairs.  We were overwhelmed.  They came in and started working right away.  We asked them if there was anything we could do, they told us it was our day. 

Well, they came in and painted our kitchen and bathroom.  They fixed our sink in the bathroom and toilet.  They fixed the light in my mother's closet.  They fixed several outlets.  They fixed a light fixture in the kitchen that hasn't worked in over 10 years.  They put in fire and carbon monoxide detectors.  They replaced a connection to our dryer.  They fixed a door that would not close to the attic.  They replaced our porch.  Like I said, you better be prepared for God's blessings.

I look around at all that was done with no expense to us, and I'm so grateful.  It's like God has given me a big hug. 

I know that this is only the beginning.  I'm waiting expectantly for God's blessings.  I'm handing Him all my problems, because I know that they could not be in better hands.

Psalm 37:7 "Be silent before the Lord and wait expectantly for Him"