Monday, January 17, 2011

Faith At A Low

I had my over-the-phone interview on Friday, and it was the worst interview that I've ever had. At the end of the interview, one of the women said, "You haven't worked in over a year!!!!!" My unemployment became a reality to me then. My faith seemed to crash. I felt hopeless. I was so hurt.

I cried out to God. I have to admit that I feel different things. On the one hand, I feel like God is going to send amazing blessings my way. I think that when He does answer the prayers of me and my mother, we will be overwhelmed. On the other hand, I just feel lost. I'm feeling like our prayers aren't going anywhere or doing anything. I feel like the verses Matthew 18:19-20,

19 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

is not working. I thought I would see miracles. I thought I would feel and see God's grace, favor and blessings. I thought I would be posting victories and blessings. I wanted to be able to tell the wonderful people that follow my blog that God answers, you just have to wait.

There are so many times when I was so sure God was going to answer my prayers. I felt that I could see victory right around the corner. I felt like God's blessings were within reach. I could see why God allowed me to go through this trial. I could see my visions become reality. Then...God did not answer my prayers. I did not have the victory I thought I would have. His blessings were not within my reach. The trials continue, and the visions were just visions. My reality is the same as it was at the beginning of starting this blog. My hopes continue to be dashed again and again. I'm scared.

I'm continuing to cry out to God. I go from specific prayers to just asking for God's guidance...His favor...His mercy...His blessings.

The bible verse Psalm 34:17 "The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.", seems to be so revealing. My mother and I pray in agreement, we cry out to God, yet He has not delivered us. My faith is at a low.

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