Questioning God.....

I know that we shouldn't question God.  Inside I'm so torn about my life.  I'm unhappy.  I try to tell myself just be happy, but it doesn't work.

I had an awful dream about losing my mother.  I dreamt that my father came into my room, and said "Your mother has died.  I knew it, because she looked so peaceful."  I jumped from my bed saying, "No, no..."  I woke up from that nightmare scared.  It's one of my worst fears.  I'm not ready to lose my mother.

My dream brought about a lot of other fears too.  I will be alone.  My brother has a beautiful girlfriend, and I have no one.  I keep asking God, "Would you really leave me alone?"  My thoughts have been going around and around questioning God's love for me.  I know He loves me, but I have this nagging doubt that won't go away.  I keep wondering if God is mad at me.

People have told me that these thoughts are just the devil getting in my head.  I'd like to believe that when the devil is attacking me so fiercely, it means that God has something amazing just around the corner.  The problem is that I've thought that something amazing was just around the corner for me, but I've been disappointed again and again by thinking this way.  I just can't let my thoughts go in that direction.  It hurts too much.

I'm still going by faith.  I love God.  I just feel so lost.  Please continue to pray for me.  God bless.

Is there a true direction in life?

Well, I've found a job.  It's a contract position.  I'm having a hard time getting excited for this position.  I will be returning to the building where I was laid off.  I'm really not happy about that.  I'm also not happy, because I've read reviews about the place I'm going to be working.  I haven't scene any favorable things.  I'm very concerned.

I know I have to hand this over to God.  I'm scared.  I want to do a good job.  I'm just scared.

I haven't given up my search for a permanent position.  I'm still looking.  I'm also still believing in God for amazing things in my life.  Things have got to get better.

Trying To Stay Thankful

The devil is constantly on the attack.  I've been blessed with free weatherization on my home.  They will be giving me a new furnace, bathroom fan, dehumidifier and insulating my walls at no cost to me.  I'm so grateful to God, but my heart is still heavy.  I received a disconnection notice for my water.   It's tough.  I'm not really sure what to do, but I'm still trying to remain faithful.

Here's my prayer:

Dear Lord,

You said, Matthew 18:19 "Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven."  My mother and I have been praying in agreement for a major money blessing, a good job for myself, husbands and to move out of our dangerous neighborhood for a long time.  I know our time is not your time, but we truly believe that You will answer our prayers.  God...Why is it taking so long?  I've been unemployed since August 2014.  Please help us.

You said, Luke 17:6 "He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you."  Yes.  My faith has it's ups and downs.  There are times when doubt is shouting in my head.  I'm still praying God.  Why haven't you answered?  I have to admit that I was expecting miracles.  I don't lower my expectations of You, because You are God.  I believe You will answer our prayers.

You said, Mathew 18:20 ""For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst."  My mother and I cry out our hearts to You.  We praise You for all of the good that You've done for us.  I'm just wondering why the other prayers have not been answered?  

God, I'm going to continue to have faith.  Please help us.  We need You.

Falling into the devil's trap

Today..I woke up, and I started working on another blog. I enjoy watching TV and movies, so I decided to start a blog with my opinion on various shows. I haven't had comments, so I wasn't sure if anyone was really reading it. I continued to work on my blog, because I take pleasure in doing so.

Well...Today, I had my first comment on my blog. Someone even took one of my surveys. I was thrilled. I called my friend to let him know that I actually had someone comment on my blog. I felt really good today.

Later on in the day, I had an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness come over me. I looked at myself, and I realized that I really didn't love myself. I thought about my career, and I became fearful that I would never be able to find a job. Suddenly, I thought there was no hope.

I turned on an episode of Joel Osteen where he talks about speaking faith over your life. I started thinking about my blessings. I thought about how I asked God for time off, because I was tired. He gave me timeoff with pay. Maybe it came in the form of a layoff, but I have to remember that God has always answered my prayers. I've asked God to help me lose weight. He put a nice treadmill on sale that is within my price range.

Do you know what happened to me today? I fell into the devil's trap. I allowed him to get into my head with the hopeless thoughts. I had a moment of being truly thankful to God, and the devil decided to try to take it away from me.

Now I'm saying...Thank You God for all of your blessings. Thank You for all of the blessings coming my way.

Joel Osteen spoke about Romans 4:17 "...and call the things that are not as though they were." What is God talking about here? He's talking about having faith in the unseen. I don't have a job yet, but this is temporary. I haven't lost this weight, but this is an eventuality.
PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! He saw me through this trial, and He will continue to see me through.

Remember to keep you faith. Praise God.

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8)